Publisher's Note: I am Eating Beef Jerky...Right Now

Publishers Note
Commentary by Scot Giambalvo

I am Eating Beef Jerky... Right Now
It’s one of the most manly, truly manly, things you can do short of spitting tobacco, that grosses out women. Which ironically, my wife bought for me. And, I’m not talking about that nasty compressed Slim Jim “beef jerky-like” food product. I’m talking about Jack Link’s hammered-flat, strips of real beef, smoked, salted, and dried out on a fence post somewhere in Texas.

It’s one of those great bad habits I acquired during my adventures into the Adkins Diet. You know the Adkins Diet, right? It’s the one that restricts carbohydrates (breads) and lets you eat tons of FAT, like my beef jerky, or nice drippy bacon with a half-dozen or so scrambled eggs. Mmmmmm.

But I digress.

What I really want to talk about with you in this Publisher’s Note is Premenstrual Dysfunction Disorder. First, let me tell you that I know nothing about this disorder, only that some pharmaceutical company came up with a treatment for it. How do I know that? I saw it on TV, of course. PDD is definitely not PMS, according to the commercial. So, if you suffer from PMS, but don’t want to believe it’s PMS, you can try this drug and be the proud sufferer of a whole new condition. Did any of you ever hear of this disorder before the drug company figured out how to treat it?

Yeah, me neither.

But surely I wouldn’t be a fair and socio-politically conscions Publisher if I didn’t also talk about Erectile Dysfunction... yet another condition carefully kept in the closet until a drug company engineered a “treatment” for it. How do I know about this one? It was the commercial to air right after the PDD commercial.

Interestingly enough it seemed to be THE MALE INCARNATION OF A TAMPON COMMERCIAL! I absolutely could not believe this commercial. As if it weren’t bad enough to have a “less-than-perfect night” some pharmaceutical company has to point out that you probably have a condition... but that they have a treatment for it now... how convenient. I now know how embarrassed women can feel when the feminine itching product commercials come on.

This one started with all the “consolation lines” a female significant other could lay on a disheartened male after his failure, not only to perform, but to even start his engine. It was so blatant I could actually sense my fellow homosapiens dialing the toll-free number at that very moment.

The question then becomes, are these drug companies fabricating treatments for “gray area” conditions, and if so, do actual cures exist, that are being withheld in lieu of the more-profitable “on-going treatment” products?

Makes you wonder huh?

Well, in closing I wanted to wrap up my beef jerky commentary by sharing my surprise to read on the package, right next to the “You have just purchased the World’s Finest Beef Jerky” a statement that I cannot believe exists. It read “The meat contained herein is for personal use only, and not for sale. It is derived from animals that received ante and post mortem inspection and were found sound and healthy...” As manly as I want to be... I don’t think I’m going to eat beef jerky anymore.

I hope you find reading this issue of MODE Weekly as enjoyable as we did making it.

Scot Giambalvo