Alright, I admit! I am a felon. I have downloaded Metallica songs from Napster and I am ready to do hard time for violating federal copyright laws.*

Napster. Never has a single word caused so much celebration and consternation in the computer world. Everyone seems to have an opinion about Napster even if they have never downloaded a single song. (Hell, my father-in-law demanded a blow-by-blow of the entire Napster saga!) Through all the din, only two parties are really being heard — musicians who are threatening lawsuits because they can no longer control "the integrity" of their product (that means they aren’t making money) and Napster attorneys who wink and grin while explaining they merely provide a service and cannot police content.

Initially, it was Metallica, Dr. Dre., and Eminem making the most noise about losing money—oh, I’m sorry, about losing control of "the integrity" of their music. And while all these performers still stand by their claims, the spotlight seems to be shining brightest on Metallica, and mostly on drummer Lars Ulrich, who seems to be relishing the role of mouthpiece for the band.

However, after reading tons of articles and listening to numerous interviews, I can only reach a single conclusion. Lars Ulrich is a big fucking asshole!

Harsh? Yes. True? Yes. But, please, before Metallica fans start cramming my e-mail with death threats (edy@modeweekly.com) let me explain. I am not a Metallica fan, but I have always had a warm spot in my heart for these guys. In every interview or performance, I’ve always had the feeling these guys were only in it for the music. They knew it and their fans knew it. Because of this, I swore that if I ever had the right opportunity to see them that Metallica would be the one metal band that I would see. Also, I have grown fond of their personalities even if I didn’t care for their music; Lars and company are never afraid to speak their mind.

However, after watching Lars bitch and whine his way through CNN, CNBC, MSNBC, MTV, VH-1, I just can’t take it anymore. This asswipe has sold somewhere in the area of 30 million records, and has the rare opportunity to make music his career — on his own terms no less — and now he rants constantly about Metallica wanting to control "the integrity" of their music. C’mon Lars, fess up and finally say that the reason you are pissed off is because your royalty checks are dwindling. Tell me how you aren’t able to afford to have your pool cleaned every week or that you can’t have your grass cut on a regular basis. Make me feel really bad for you and maybe I will make a donation to www.paylars.com.

The sad reality here is that Metallica fans have gladly paid for the CDs (11 releases), videos (5 releases), concerts and merchandise over the years, and I would not be surprised if the majority of MP3 files flying off Napster are being scooped up by fans who have already donated plenty of cash to Metallica’s tax-sheltered annuity funds. But what if all the people downloading Metallica had never heard the band before and their first foray into the band was by downloading an MP3 file and giving it a listen? Is that really such a bad thing? Could it begin to expand their fanbase? Did Metallica really miss the bus on this one?

I’m gonna let Lars in on a little secret. The truth is that Napster really does infringe on copyrighting, but no more than recording CDs or movies and passing them around. It happens everyday. Unfortunately in these Internet-happy times, people get feathers ruffled over anything that gets a lot of press, and right now, Napster happens to be in the hot seat.

If the Metallicas, Dres and Eminems of the world would just stop blowing smoke up people’s asses and say that they are pissed about losing money people might take them more seriously and a solution could be reached without the ridiculousness of turning in 300,000 computer users and threatening to sue them. Metallica will alienate more than a few fans over this issue. Granted, the staunchest fans will still buy everything, but Metallica’s integrity has been damaged, and for some fans, that might never be repaired.