Ed Said: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Ed Said:
Occasional Ramblings About Arts and Entertainment

by Ed Yashinsky

One of the fearful moments at any job is drawing a name out of a hat for a Christmas gift exchange. You know the routine, everyone jots down their name and a few ideas (under $10, of course), and then a few weeks before the holiday party the boss’ secretary lets everyone pick a paper and the sweating begins.

Several years ago, I pulled a piece of paper at a family gift exchange that led to a bottomless pit from which I nearly never returned. The request was, simply, “Christmas Music.”

Since that time, I tend to revisit Christmas releases every year just to see what’s in the black hole. So, without further adieu, here’s the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly available for Christmas this year. (Please note that there are a few releases from previous years, since they are just too good, bad, or ugly to do without):

The Good
This first one is a bit hard to swallow, but Jewel needs to get some credit for putting out a fine record entitled, Joy — A Holiday Collection. Seems the yodeling Alaskan actually spent some time making this one and wrote a few originals including “Face of Love” and “Hands.” Her adaptation of “Gloria” inspired by Bach’s B-Minor Mass, is beautiful. (Released in 1999.)

Inspired by impending motherhood and the rediscovery of the Maurice Sendak-illustrated Lullabies and Night Songs, Shawn Colvin delivers sweet Christmas songs and perfect lullabies for sleepless nights. While the Grammy-winning folkie is known for her strong guitar work and visual lyrics, Lullabies and Night Songs serves as a quiet present to her child. (Released in 1998.)

Originally released in 1968, Christmas Shopping with Buck Owens and the Buckaroos showcases the Bakersfield Country sound that paved the way for the likes of Merle Haggard and Dwight Yoakam. There are some well-known songs like “A Very Merry Christmas” and originals like “The Christmas Polka,” but all are touched with the California country twang that Owens made famous. (Reissued for 1999.)

Honorable Mentions: Jerry Jeff Walker’s Gonzo Christmas and Brave Combo with It’s Christmas, Man!

The Bad
I hope Rosie O’Donnell doesn’t track me down for trashing A Rosie Christmas; the proceeds go to the For All Kids Foundation, but does anyone really need to hear Rosie O’Donnell’s grating voice next to more capable performers like Cher, Lauryn Hill, Elton John, and Billy Joel? When I came across this title I winced for just a second thinking it was a Roseanne (Barr/Arnold) CD, then I merely shuttered when I saw Rosie O’Donnell’s name. Nevertheless, kudos to Rosie for having her heart being in the right place. (Released in 1999.)

Tiny Tim has been dead for quite a few years, but his annoying voice still lives on in Tiny Tim’s Christmas Album. The guy’s mug on the front cover is scary enough, but this overproduced nightmare belongs on a trash heap. Just how bad is Tiny Tim’s Christmas Album? It was recorded in 1993 and not released until after Tim’s death. If that’s not an indication of mediocrity, nothing is. (Released in 1996.)

Finally, there’s I Wanna Be Santa Claus by vocal virtuoso Ringo Starr. We’re all aware that Ringo’s ditties are the endearing legacy of The Beatles, but the bigger issue is whether we really need a Ringo Christmas record, and is Ringo that strapped for cash? In all honesty this record, which is half traditional songs and half originals, is not all the bad but this project stinks royally of a money-grab and little else. Hey Ringo, how about giving the proceeds to a charity? (Released in 1999.)

The Ugly
Merry Axemas Volumes 1 and 2 provides a stunning example of what the Christmas season DOESN’T need — guitar solos. That’s right, two complete CDs full of crotch rocking, teeth rattling guitar solos. While there are plenty of slow, passionate guitar pieces (Jeff Beck and Al DiMeola immediately come to mind) on these CDs, there’s also the head-banging likes of Zakk Wylde and Ted Nugent. So grab grandma and crank the volume up to ten. (Volume 1 released in 1998, Volumes 2 released in 1999.)

Another perplexing release that just lacks common sense is Punk Rock Xmas featuring great punkers from the late Seventies like The Dickies, The Damned, and The Ramones, along with a few modern punk acts. Let’s see, most of the people I know who liked The Dickies and The Damned now have children. I wonder if they’ll be unleashing some “There Ain’t No Sanity Claus” on Christmas morning while the kids are opening gifts. (Released in 1995.)

Last, and certainly near the bottom of the pile is The Animaniacs Starring in a Hip-Hopera Christmas. You understand the situation here — take the best elements of opera, combine it with the best elements of hip-hop and let the entire production be sung in the best of helium voices. Please shoot me. (Released in 1995.)