Dear Sir:

What is the matter with you people? Have you completely lost your senses?

I read your Martini Tour and it left me with an exceedingly bad taste in my mouth! It also left me with the distinctive impression that the martini education of all you has apparently been sadly neglected. Then it occurred to me that it had to be a generational thing and my wrath began to subside somewhat. However, as a martini drinker of long standing, I insist on filling in some gaps in your education – ergo….

Let’s begin in a very elementary fashion. You may be too young to remember Ogden Nash. Some years ago he was America’s leading writer of light verse. You may remember as a game show panelist such shows as “I’ve Got a Secret” and “To Tell the Truth” come to mind.

He was a martini drinker and apparently felt as I do that the martini is one of man’s nobler inventions! He wrote the following:

To that I can only add “Amen!” Ogden Nash was so right – a true martini is gin and vermouth. That’s your lesson number one! A martini is gin and vermouth garnished with an olive or a “twist” of lemon. According to martini gospel anything other than that is not a martini – and should be called something other than a martini! Years ago the practice of using cocktail onions (pickled onions) as a garnish received acceptance and gained popularity – but even then, probably before you and your “tour” members were born, they called that drink a Gibson – out of respect for the classic martini. The truly class that is – gin and vermouth!

Look back on your tour and see how many “bogus” martinis you were served before you received one made with gin. In your article your tour member Leroy was so surprised he remarked, “This martini was made with gin!!!” Of course he liked it – he was drinking a martini. Your article incidentally began to lose credibility at least with this true martini drinker when you mentioned the “perfect martini” and “the classic martini” several times only as it pertained to a drink made with vodka – or worse! Ugh!

When vodka gained popularity some years ago we took another step backward. A lot of people acquired a taste for vodka and chose to change the “martini” to vodka and vermouth. I have no quarrel with vodka or those who choose to drink it. I say simply change it to what you want – but don’t call it a martini. Frankly, I get somewhat annoyed when I order a martini dry and up only to have an inept bartender ask “Do you want gin or vodka in that martini?” I always reply testily, “If it’s not made with gin it is not a martini!”

Some of the concoctions you had are not even remotely related to a martini and I shall make other reference to them except to say that to assume any resemblance to a martini is heresy – a blasphemy.

All right – I didn’t intend this to be a harangue so let me end with this. I’m glad Cantone’s was part of your tour. It’s my favorite martini spot and I think the best in the whole area. At one time I thought that no woman could make a really good martini. Sandy Calderone at Cantone’s changed my mind.

Finally let me say that a classic martini – that’s gin and dry vermouth, remember, has earned the respect and dignity it enjoys. Please treat it with respect. I’m sure that there are many martini drinkers – the purists – who were literally sickened by your reference to chocolate, strawberries and special sweetener as martini ingredients. How could you?

You should issue an apology – at least to the true, orthodox, martini drinkers.

Here’s to you!

Sincerely,
Bill Schaffstall