By Candice J. Wanner

If you’re like me, you’ve been hearing about these so-called “7 habits of highly effective people” for quite some time. You’ve probably also been wondering what in the heck they are, just like I was. Well, I decided it was probably time I found out and, since I have, I’ll let you in on them, too.

Stephen R. Covey’s book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” can generally be found in the business section of bookstores. However, it’s not really a business book, it’s more of a lifestyle book. Certainly, the tenants Mr. Covey puts forth can be related to business and applied to them on a daily basis, but this book is not your typical quick-fix, never-miss marketing strategy load of hype. “7 Habits” addresses the underlying attitudinal and mental paradigm problems that create the symptoms most other books address with those band-aid type strategies. You know the ones I mean, where you use techniques to get people to like you or you fake an interest in their hobbies to get what you want from them. As Covey says, “I am not suggesting that elements of…personality growth, communication skill training and education in the field of influence strategies and positive thinking – are not beneficial, in fact sometimes essential for success. I believe they are. But these are secondary, not primary traits...If I try to use human influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want, to work better, to be more motivated, to like me and each other — while my character is fundamentally flawed, marked by duplicity and insincerity — then, in the long run, I cannot be successful. My duplicity will breed distrust, and everything I do — even using so-called good human relations techniques — will be perceived as manipulative. It simply makes no difference how good the rhetoric is or even how good the intentions are; if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success. Only basic goodness gives life to technique.”

Covey believes that to truly experience yourself as a confident, strong and effective person, you have to work first from the inside out and re-define yourself in terms of basic principles. Those principles may change slightly from person to person, but most are built on ideas common to most nationalities, religions and philosophies. They are such things as the “principle of fairness, out of which our whole concept of equity and justice is developed. Little children seem to have an innate sense of the idea of fairness even apart from opposite conditioning experiences. There are vast differences in how fairness is defined and achieved, but there is almost universal awareness of the idea.” Other examples would include integrity, honesty, human dignity, service, quality, excellence and growth. Without a "principle center" from which to operate, there is no outward growth possible.

Covey feels that after you’ve attained a more principle-centered paradigm, it is then possible to embark upon the first of the “7 habits”: to be “Proactive”. According to Covey, to be proactive “as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.” If you are proactive, you are not reactive, a state in which most people find themselves. “Reactive people are often affected by their physical environment…Reactive people are also affected by their social environment, by the ‘social weather’. When people treat them well, they feel well; when people don’t, they become defensive or protective. Reactive people build their emotional lives around the behavior of others, empowering the weaknesses of other people to control them.”

Habit Two, is to “Begin with the End in Mind”. This “is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things...If you want to have a successful enterprise, you clearly define what you’re trying to accomplish. You carefully think through the product or service you want to provide in terms of your market target, then you organize all the elements – financial, research and development, operations, marketing, personnel, physical facilities, and so on – to meet that objective. The extent to which you begin with the end in mind often determines whether or not you are able to create a successful enterprise. Most business failures begin in the first creation, with problems such as undercapitalization, misunderstanding of the market, or lack of a business plan.”

Once you’ve mastered habits one and two, Covey feels that Habit Three is the “practical fulfillment of Habits 1 and 2.” Habit Three is “To Put First Things First”. This is more difficult than it sounds because our life is filled with what Covey calls “urgent” distractions; the ringing phone, the arriving e-mail, that 1:00 meeting. All these things may look important and are “urgent” because they’re visible and in front of us, but in the long-run they may not be the way to best use our time and should be placed much lower down on our list of priorities. And, those priorities are the first steps towards a successful third habit. You have to establish where your priorities lie, not just in business, but in your entire life. Once those priorities are recognized, accepted and ingrained, much of the scheduling and emotional conflict we experience daily will be eliminated. It disappears because we are firmly grounded in our priorities and we can then choose and schedule our time much more wisely and productively without feeling guilt for those things we had to put aside.

Having just completed the first three habits, you’ve attained what Covey calls the “private victory” and achieved independence. It is upon this private, internal core of habits that the remaining habits are based and focused. Habits four, five and six compose the “public victory” and move an individual toward a higher focus of interdependence.

Habit Four is to “Think Win/Win” which is “a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying…Win/Win sees life as a cooperative, not a competitive arena. Most people tend to think in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball, win or lose. But that kind of thinking is fundamentally flawed. It’s based on power and position rather than on principle. Win/Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person’s success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others.”

Habit Five is to “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood”. This “involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They’re either speaking or preparing to speak. They’re filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people’s lives...Empathic listening…is listening with the intent to understand. I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand…is an entirely different paradigm”.

Habit Six is “Synergy” defined as “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. It means that the relationship which the parts have to each other is a part in and of itself.” Covey feels, “The challenge is to apply the principles of creative cooperation, which we learn from nature, in our social interactions...The highest forms of synergy focus the four unique human endowments, the motive of Win/Win, and the skills of empathic communication on the toughest challenges we face in life. What results is almost miraculous. We create new alternatives – something that wasn’t there before. Synergy is the essence of principle-centered leadership. It catalyzes, unifies, and unleashes the greatest powers within people. All the habits we have covered prepare us to create the miracle of synergy”.

The last of Covey’s seven habits is “Sharpen the Saw...It is the habit that makes all the others possible…It’s preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have – you. It’s renewing the four dimensions of your nature – physical, spiritual, mental and social/emotional”.  You can work on the other six habits until you’re blue in the face, but if you don’t take the time for personal maintenance and renewal, there can be no inner peace from which to work.

So, there you have it…“The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”.  Realize, of course, that the above explanations are simplified and condensed. To really understand the information and apply it in any useful way, you’ll have to read Covey’s book. It’s a bit long-winded, but worth the effort, so stick with it. It also provides a different and more basic approach to self-improvement than many of the other books on the market. So, if you’re tired of feeling misunderstood and beaten down, pick up a copy of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and start working on building your inner core of principles.   It’s amazing what a little self-maintenance can do.