Cupid in the Cubicle

by Mitchell L. Hillman, JR.

This Valentine’s day we should all take time to revere and remember the long-standing tradition of romance on the job. This institution has been characterized in movies, on TV, in books, on records and in the comics. Why, just think about the fifty-plus years of romantic tension between coworkers Lois Lane and Clark Kent that has made everyone wonder, at least once, "why can’t she tell that Clark is just Superman behind specs?". Even the recent hit movie "Jerry Maguire" entails a bit of workplace wooing.

Although this kind of romance can manifest itself in many forms, there are really only two ways to carry on a workplace relationship: secretly and publicly. Often, the circumstances at the office, store or wherever determine how mutual affection is displayed—if it is at all. Many companies discourage dating between employees and some outright forbid it, but humans have a compulsive habit of disregarding anything that may stand in the way of love. Sometimes it comes down to the romance or the job; any true, lightheaded lover follows the former and is soon out of work. Of course if that employment condition continues then our lightheaded lover will also soon be out of romance.

If the workplace is restricted or if it happens to be a particularly gossipy group, the secretive route seems better. It may also seem to be more fun at first— hiding your love, save for a knowing glimmer in each others eye and a reciprocate smile or a flirtatious glance, even intent stares from across the room when no one is looking. Now, in these instantly gratifying technological times, you can send love letters by E-mail or through an interoffice network with some degree of security (this is not advised if someone else, like your supervisor, can read your messages). You could even send each other flowers using prearranged aliases, or have giant heart shaped balloons delivered from a secret admirer (which wouldn’t be completely untrue).

If you are a particularly amorous individual, you may have more than one of these secret romances at any given time. Ancient wisdom says, many secret work romances leads not to love around one’s heart, but to a reputation around one’s neck. Eventually though, the fun fades and frustration sets in. What was once fun is now done, and hiding your relationship quickly becomes a hassle.

That is, of course, if you can even get to that stage of the game without being busted. One of the sad flaws of love is utter sloppiness— your looks linger too long, you laugh a little too loud with one another, you stand entirely too close together or you make a dreadful error like saying "Thanks darling" during an otherwise normal work transaction. And, at times like this, your co-workers suddenly become the most perceptive people on earth (even though they didn’t notice the hair cut or the weight loss or the makeover, etc.) And when someone says, "You sure do talk a lot to (insert name here) lately" or "Do you two go out to lunch every day?" you are essentially busted. Which is the big problem with secret on-the-job romances; they don’t stay a secret for very long.

Which leaves you with option two, the public access romance— perhaps the best choice from the start, and the only one you’ll be left with eventually anyway. With the freedom from secrecy comes the sometimes suffocating scrutiny of your curious peers. Once it is discovered or once word gets around, you and your romantically entwined co-worker have officially become "an item." Your relationship will soon become the center of many gossip sessions around the company. There is nothing better, it seems, for gossip hounds than the relationship rumor mill, but you needn’t worry. Soon, another couple will be "busted" and kick you off the stage; occasionally when one couple goes public it set’s off a chain reaction of love confessions from secretive couples. Then you are all one big happy family, and you all have dates for Saturday night to boot!

Then again, there is the option of being a public couple right from the start. Not necessarily announcing the advent of your romance over a P.A. or putting out a memo, but not hiding your affection for one another from your coworkers. Again, you are doomed to the chit chat rack and will be subject to curious questions, half-hidden grins and raised eyebrows, but this way you get it out of the way immediately— which is nice. Instead of questions beginning with "Why do you talk to her/him so much..." you will be inundated with questions like "How’s everything going with..." A precious little trade off.

Whatever happens to those of you involved in office romances, you probably have little choice in the matter— if it’s love, your heart takes over and leaves your mind far behind. Follow your heart and your romantic instinct; it may eradicate all rational thought, but so what. Nothing feels better than loving and being loved. And that’s really what it’s all about. Even if you don’t have a special valentine this year, know that you are loved and let others know that you love them. Address love, express love, believe in love and receive love. Life is simple if you let it be.